How Do You Trump a Soul Mate?
by kwordy
Summary: Bella realizes Edward isn't worth giving up her life for.


**Author's Note: This is just what I wish would have happened at the end of Eclispe. Obviously it didn't, but I can dream. Please review. I'm BEGGING you.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

...

Freezing despite the tent and worried despite the fact that Edward is with me instead of the other Cullens fighting the vampire army outside, I raise my eyes from the ground. "Edward, I'm really sorry," I say again.

"I'm not mad at you, love," he whispers. "But I realize what Jacob means to you. He could give you a normal human life, and I couldn't. If you chose him, I would understand." Edward leans forward, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer.

It feels wrong. I can't help but compare it to the way Jacob held me, just a few minutes ago. His body was warm, and I felt safe and protected, wrapped in his soft embrace. Edward feels cold and hard; for the first time I completely understand what Jacob meant all those times he called Edward a rock. I lean away slightly, wishing I hadn't asked Edward to stay here with me. With Jacob, for a moment there was always no one else-nothing else-in the world when I was in his arms. I thought it was that way with Edward, too; but right now I can hear the wind howling outside as it skirts around the tent, I can see the flakes of snow that drifted inside when I climbed back into the tent and I can feel the cold air pressing in around me. In Edward's arms, I am feeling nothing but cold. I want to feel reassured, I want to feel comforted that he isn't angry with me for kissing Jacob, but all I can think is how Jake is out there right now, fighting. All I can think is how he might get killed.

"Is something wrong?" Edward whispers.

"I'm just worried about the battle. All of them might die. Because of me," I say, shivering both from the thought of having Jacob's death on my hands and the chill of the morning air.

"It's worth it, as long as you're okay," he says.

Strangely, I would normally find that reassuring. But now, I feel guilty; guilty because it's _not_ worth it for the Cullens and the pack to die for me. I'm just one person. I'm not worth that many people. I'm not worth Jacob risking his life for.

Another, larger, part of me can't believe Edward would think it was worth his entire family dying just to keep me alive. Maybe he wouldn't think the fight was worth it if he was out there fighting instead of in here safe, with me.

My eyes widen in shock at that thought and I chastise myself silently for being so horrible. Edward isn't like that. Edward is perfect.

Almost _too_ perfect, sometimes. I never feel like I deserve him. I never feel like I deserve Jacob either, but that's mostly because it seems too good to be true that he could actually love me. With Edward, I feel like it's just impossible that someone so wonderful exists, much less want to be with me. I feel like he's something from a fairy tale.

_This is ridiculous, _I tell myself. _You've already chosen Edward. Don't complicate things now, just a few more months and you'll be a vampire and this will be a lot easier. You'll have made your bed, all you'll have to do is lie in it,_ I reassure myself. After a moment, I realize that isn't very reassuring. And that I wish Jacob were here.

...

"Jacob will be alright, Bella. The wolves heal exceedingly fast, Carlisle says he should be as good as new in about a week. There's nothing to worry about," Edward says in a soothing tone.

"You'd be worried, too, if it were..." I consider for a moment. "Alice that had almost gotten killed."

"Bella, look at it from my perspective for a moment, would you please?" he demands, voice frustrated. "I don't have much against him, personally. But he _is_ one of my mortal enemies. Not to mention he tried to steal you, my reason for living, away from me. For _that_ I could never forgive him. Thank goodness you have enough sense to not leave me for a dog," he finishes with a chuckle.

"There's nothing wrong with Jacob," I say defensively. "And he almost _died_, so you could try and be at least a _little_ sympathetic."

Edward's jaw tightens and he looks away, glowering at the ground. If Jacob were here, he'd probably make a joke about how the floor must be _very_ intimidated.

"I hate to point this out, but he's not even _human_," Edward growls.

"At least he has a heartbeat," I murmur, thinking of how he'd promised me I'd have options... until my heart stopped beating.

"Bella, if there were any way I could become human for you, if there were anything I could do, no matter what it was, I would do it in a heartbeat."

I almost want to laugh at the irony of the 'in a heartbeat' part, but I don't. "But you can't. You can't become human, you'll always be a vampire. A rock," I say, certain I'm having an epiphany of some sort. "The only way for us to be together is for me to sacrifice everything human for you."

"You could stay human," Edward implores.

"I want to stay human," I say flatly. "But I'm not staying human for _you_."

"Of course," he says, glowing with elation and surprise. He clearly had expected me to continue insisting to become a vampire. As if. That will _never_ happen again.

"I'm staying human for Jacob."

His face goes through dozens of emotions in the span of a few short seconds. Shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, jealousy; like a collage of all the emotions I've ever seen on his inhumanly beautiful face.

"I'm sorry," I choke out, running from his house so he won't see me cry.

All I can think as I drive to La Push is that maybe nothing can trump a soul mate after all.

…

"Hi, Jake," I murmur, suddenly unsure what to do. I'd thought it would be easy, I'd just march into the room and announce that I'd chosen him. Somehow, I felt ashamed, though, because of all the times he'd put himself on the line and I'd rejected him. And now I expected him to welcome me with open arms?

"Yeah, I sort of thought it might be like that. Today has definitely taken a turn for the worse. First I pick the wrong place, miss the best fight, and Seth gets all the glory. Then Leah had to be an idiot trying to prove she's as tough as the rest of us and I have to be the idiot who saves her. And now this," he says, gesturing in my direction.

"How are you feeling?" I ask, suddenly concerned at the reminder of his injuries from the fight.

"A little stoned. Dr. Fang isn't sure how much pain medication I needed, so he's going with trial and error. Think he overdid it."

"But you're not in pain?"

"No. At least, I can't feel my injuries."

I bite my lip, hoping I'll think of some brilliant way to earn his forgiveness for rejecting him so many times and win him over.

"How about you? Are you okay?" he asks, sounding genuinely worried.

"_Me? _Why? I didn't do any fighting. I was totally sidelined the whole time, nothing to do but worry. You know, that would be a real advantage to being a vampire. You can fight for yourself," I joke weekly.

A shadow crosses his face. "If you're here to try and convince me that becoming a vampire won't be the worst thing that ever happens to you, just leave now. I'm not in the mood to hear it," he says bitterly, turning away.

"I'm not going to be a vampire."

He spins around faster than I would have thought possible, even for a werewolf. _"What?"_

"I'm staying human. For you. I- I, um...love you," I finish quietly, blushing.

Jacob looks stunned for a long moment, like he can't even begin to process what I just said. Then he grins and says "Really?"

"No, I came all the way down here just to toy with your mind, Jake," I tease. After a moment I feel weird and say, "But, yes. For real. Edward and I are over for good this time."

I start to hug him, but he pulls away.

Dread courses through me. "What is it?"

"I didn't want to say anything, but...could you take a shower? You smell like a bloodsucker."

…

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